I Can't Sleep and Nothing Is Fun

Since the Covid-19 pandemic, we had to spend more time indoors due to lockdowns in Jamaica. Getting up and seeing the walls everyday and occasionally peeping through the window was insufficient for me.

I felt swollen like something inside of me was gonna explode just to break free spiritually because my body was goverened by the laws of the land. 

I just could't get use to not getting up in the mornings for work. I still cannot get used to not buying what I want and whenever I want it. Every week the cost of food goes up at the supermarket. 

The nights came but the sleep abandoned me. I thought many times that I would get up and do some exercises to stay fit but my body would not cooperate with my mind.

I was eating several times a day and using the restroom less. I couldnt concentrate on doing anything.

I tried to imagine being in another place but still couldn't focus because partying felt like 100 years ago.

I felt as though I watched everything on TV so I was no longer amused by the things I used to enjoy.

I scrolled through instagram constantly checking for updates and watched tiktok in between. I was even more sad because everyone seemed happy and appeared to be having a good time. "Jamaica No Problem" yeah right, big problem in my head.

Yep I was still feeling sad and worried and tired all at the same time but as soon as I tried to sleep the mind decides that it has no intention to rest.

So I tossed and turned at the sound of every tik and tok of the clock. I went to bed at 9pm and slept for hours. When I got up it was merely 11:45pm.

So I turned to Youtube for the Audiobible and sounds of the rain. I even tried those bamboo flute Chinese style meditation music with soft piano keys and the sounds of the ocean.

I heard about depression but I don't really know what it is. I have never met anyone who was diagnosed with depression.

Google defines depression as feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
"self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression".

Medical News Today stated that, "Sadness, feeling down, and having a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities are familiar feelings for all of us. But if they persist and affect our lives substantially, the issue may be depression.

Wow..Am I depressed? I wondered to myself. What do I do about it? Who do I speak to? With all this social distancing and spaced out appointments would online therapy by a professional be effective?

As I thought more and more about how many people were losing sleep at nights, sad or worried about something I couldn't help feeling helpless to know I can't help them because I am going through the same thing.

I purchased a book online entitled "Worry Less and Pray More" by Donna K Maltese. Since I started reading the book I started to feel better.

The book speaks about how we can deal with our worries the biblical way through building a better connection with Jesus and trusting God to take care of us.