Oct. 15, 2017

Letting Go

I was there part time while attending Dental school. I worked as a Dental Assistant then  worked as a Dental Hygienist there for over 5 years. During my time as a Dental Hygienist though my patient flow increased over the years I still did not have a fully booked schedule daily. The advantage of not having many patients was that I knew everyone of them personally and looked forward to seeing their smile every six months. They were my external family. We were growing together professionally and I was extremely attached and worked with all my heart enjoying every moment.

Due to my interest in personal growth and development I decided to maximize my time by learning new languages and helping others who are learning stuff that I already knew. I made a recquest to work part time and it was denied. There was no vacancy for a partime dental  hygienist so I was let go. It did not hurt the minute it happened but the next day when the reality of it all sunk in I burst into tears. Then I decided to just focus on my personal goals to avoid deppression.

Its been one month and when I thought I was getting over it, it started to get worse. Lately I keep seeing my patients faces everytime I close my eyes, when I am about to eat, sleep, watch Tv or study. I  am unable to eat, sleep or think clearly without feeling terrible about not being able to see them again. I went out a few times to the supermarket and each time I spotted one of my patients I ran and hid because I didn't know how to face them without bursting into tears. I am constantly having headaches and scared of going out. Is this what depression is or post traumatic stress feels like? I think I miss my people too much, the situation is new to me. I have never felt like this  before even after my first heartbreak.  I still can't let go of my lovely people. I will never get over you.

To all my patients I miss you I love you always